The Power of Forgiveness
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What is forgiveness?Forgiveness means different things to different people. Generally, however, it involves a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you or making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for improved health and peace of mind. Forgiveness can lead to:
Healthier relationships
Improved mental health
Less anxiety, stress and hostility
Lower blood pressure
Fewer symptoms of depression
A stronger immune system
Improved heart health
Improved self-esteem
What are the effects of holding a grudge?
If you're unforgiving, you might:
Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present
Become depressed or anxious
Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs
Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others
Read more answers to questions about forgiveness at the Mayo Clinic site.
“Forgiving a person who has wronged you is never easy, but dwelling on those events and reliving them over and over can fill your mind with negative thoughts and suppressed anger,” says Dr. VanderWeele, co-director of the Initiative on Health, Religion, and Spirituality at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. “Yet, when you learn to forgive, you are no longer trapped by the past actions of others and can finally feel free.”
There are two sides to forgiveness: decisional and emotional.
Decisional forgiveness involves a conscious choice to replace ill will with good will. “You no longer wish bad things to happen to that individial,” says Dr. VanderWeele.
For emotional forgiveness, you move away from those negative feelings and no longer dwell on the wrongdoing. “Emotional forgiveness is much harder and takes longer, as it’s common for those feelings to return on a regular basis,” says Dr. VanderWeele.
One way to get more comfortable with forgiveness is to practice small acts in everyday life.
One of the best ways to practice forgiveness is with the REACH method.
Recall - The first step is to recall the wrongdoing in an objective way. Visualize the person and situation and all the feelings that come with it.
Empathize - Next, try to understand the other person’s point of view regarding why he or she hurt you, but without minimizing or downplaying the wrong that was done.
Altruistic gift - This step is about addressing your own shortcomings. Recall a time when you treated someone harshly and were forgiven.
Commit - Commit yourself to forgive. Write about your forgiveness in a journal or a letter that you don’t send or tell a friend.
Hold - Finally, hold on to your forgiveness.
Read more in Harvard Health Publishing.